Posts Tagged ‘poop’


Lilliputian Comings

October 27, 2009

And, of course, by that I mean short comings…both Jonathan Swift’s and mine…but first I’d like to reply directly to your post.

I agree wholeheartedly…it seems foolhardy, if not downright reckless for these shipmen to keep inviting Lemmy on board.  This book must have taken place during the great boat doctor shortage of the early 17th Century.

But I disagree wholeheartedly with your thought that the description of Laputa was the aftereffect of a “bad trip.”  Indeed, I welcomed this introduction of whimsy into what was quickly becoming a slightly stale story.  But then Swift quickly got back to form and started making the book boring again.  Swift starts talking  the lode-stone and Jon starts skimming.

Which is the shortcoming I mentioned earlier…Gulliver’s Travels is quickly joining the ranks of Vanilla Sky, The Riches, and the Little House on the Prairie series of books.  Things that start interesting but quickly devolve into boring chores (These Happy Golden Years indeed!).

So I’m going back to reading for the poop jokes, and here luckily Swift delivers.  When describing the studies going on at the Academy of Balnibarbi Gulliver sees a scholar who’s project is “an operation to reduce human excrement to its original food; by separating the several parts; removing the tincture which it receives from the gall, making the odour exhale; and scumming off the saliva.”  Good luck with that!  (But poop, it’s nice to have you back.)

Now to the Lilliputian (read short) coming of my own.  I truly intended to be finished with part three by the start of this week…but I was distracted by a disc of the Gilmore Girls final season–and how am I supposed to focus on this book when Lorelai and Chris’s marriage is dissolving before my eyes?!  I ask you–how?!

But I’m close (ish) and I’m going to finish by the end of the month if it kills me (and it might).

Boy am I ready for a new book…




Weights and Measurements

September 3, 2009

I haven’t heard from you for a while now…and I’m figuring that you’re feeling a little shy because you’re confused about what’s going on.  Don’t feel bad…I’m sure lots of people would be confused…its a strange story!…I mean, I’m not confused (clear as day…no, no–clear as a bell) but I’m sure others (like you) might be.  Let me recap…Lemuel Gulliver (Lemmy.  Or Gully.  I still can’t decide) has gone on an ocean voyage and his ship wrecks onto the island of Lilliput.  Lilliput t is made up of people (I’m like 90% sure they’re human…tiny, tiny humans) whether or not everything is little in Lilliputian is debatable (are the mountains small?–I’m still questioning) but mostly everything is tiny (except Gulliver, he’s normal sized.  Enter hilarity).

There you’ve been recapped…with strange words like Lilliput and Mildendo and Blefusco it’s no wonder you’re puzzling (just to reiterate..I’m not).  If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Good.  I hope this solves that.

Now even I (even me!) am encountering a little confusion.  But this confusion stems from when Swift describes things in inches (i.e. “the four parallel sticks rising about five inches higher than the handkerchief”) .  I’m confused for two reasons

  1. I can’t picture an inch.  I can’t picture a foot.  When someone says something like “How many feet away is that?”  I never know what to answer…I have no measurement imagination.   I love it when they follow that up “Imagine a ruler.  A ruler’s a foot.”  Well duh.  If I could imagine how long a ruler is and apply that to gauging the spatial distance of course I could estimate the distance.  But in my imagination a ruler means little to nothing.  I hope you’ve enjoyed this little insight into my brain.  Now for
  2. Doesn’t Britain use the metric system?  What’s up with that?

But other than that…like I said earlier no problems.  I’m almost finished with this first book and all I can say is that I’m missing the poop jokes…now it’s all war and rifts caused by heel height.  Bring back the poop!

Until next time,



The Love Boat?

July 23, 2009

Sorry for the delay in posts…I knew you were traveling sans Ship so I decided to take a little break as well…but now this book is a priority.  More specifically finishing and moving on (not unlike a ship on the ocean..filled with fools) is a priority.  I shall move through the many (many, many, many) plots like a schooner through a squall (is that fast?  I don’t really know anything about boats).

First a quotation:

“Love,” she remarked, shrivelling her nose, “this ship is simmering with it.  I’m sure it’s all Real Love.  I must fly,” she said, “Elsa’s in love, too, and I promised to help her fix her hair in a new way.”

This is irony, right?  I’ve never been strong on irony (I always ask myself “Is it like rain (or ray-ee-ain) on your wedding day?” (check) or “A death row pardon three seconds too late?”(check again–yep, irony))…but this has to be it.  Or I’m stupid.  Because I’m seeing zero love on this boat.  None.  Not a drop. Oh how I long for there to be love on this boat (or really anything other than boring-ness).  And what’s with that random capitalization?

That second half about Elsa ties in nicely with quotation number two:

“I give you until tomorrow,” said her mother firmly, “until tomorrow to be in better spirits, and then I shall give you a good purge.”

Child Rearing 101 from Mrs. Lutz…no problem is too big that can’t be solved by a good poop.  How many less problems would we have today if the soapy water enema hadn’t gone out of vogue in child rearing?

And in a slightly unrelated topic…I’m reading a second book that takes place on a ship!  I guess its feast or famine with me and maritime novels.  I have read nary a single sea-travelling page in years and now I’m reading two tomes simultaneously.  The other title is Three Men and A Maid by P.G. Wodehouse (I’m reading it on my iPhone–thanks Stanza!).  It also includes a sea sick dog, but that’s really where the similarities end (because the Wodehouse is interesting and fun to read).

But I’m not giving up on our classic!  I’m back on board!