Translation? Uhh…Who Said Anything About Translation

Wait a second…we’re reading this book in translation. Ok, had I known that I have a feeling I would be quite a bit further along. I am two chapters in, but those two chapters were the end result of about 15 hours of reading. (It is ssslllooowww going with Dostoevsky in one hand and my Russian to English Dictionary in the other.)

I think my favorite part so far is when Raskolnikov meets a gregarious, enchanted unicorn bellied up to the bar in Chapter 2. (Did I mention, when I get tired of translating I just start making stuff up? That’ll be important to know.) All I can say is that I don’t know what that unicorn did, but he sure did seem to make his unicorn wife angry. I am guessing he stole her unicorn hovercraft.

In reality, I am reading the Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky translation. I mean really, Constance Gardner is so 1991. (This version published in 1992.) Sorry, to miss out the fun of reading the Gardner version. When you quote long passages in formal mid-century English, I will let you know what the jazzed-up 90s version is like. It’s kind of like you’re listening to Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable” and I am listening to Natalie Cole’s “Unforgettable.” The same story with a different flavor.

So, two chapters in: I am intrigued. Looking forward to reading Chapter 3.

Justin

P.S. I am the only one who wishes there were unicorns in this book? Well, unicorns and hovercrafts.

Barbecue Forever!

Am I the only one who kept forgetting that Long John Silver’s nickname earlier in the book was Barbecue. I had completely forgotten until late in the book when Merry made his power play to the usurp the title of Pirate Captain from Long John.

I don’t know about you, but about the only less awe-inspiring name for a pirate than Barbecue I could think of would probably be Merry. (Ahoy, matey’s it be Merry, the happiest, joy-lovin’ pirate on these seven seas. Give us yer money or we be making you smile until ye frown*!)

[*Is it just me or have I gotten really good at writing in pirate?]

So, I guess two things are not surprising:

1.) The pirate gang stuck with Barbecue.
2.) Barbecue goes by Long John Silver.

But I think my favorite part of the book came at the very convenient elision that occurred at the end of the book. I was finding a bit hard to believe that they were going to wrap everything up in 5 pages when they had hardly left the island and they still had a long voyage home ahead.

But then tricky, Robert Louis Stevenson played the ol’ “Well, to make a long story short…” Now, I am sure some people would feel a bit cheated of the further high seas adventures of Jim, Barbecue (sorry, you lose your pirate booty you go back to being Barbecue), the Squire, Captain Smollet and Doctor Livesey, but I on the other hand could only ask myself why this device wasn’t used more frequently. Such as:

• I got into the coracle and, well, to make a long story short, I ended up in the pirate camp.

or

• The Squire, Dr. Livesey, Captain Smollet, this quirky one-legged cook name “Long” Jon “Barbecue” Silver all boarded the boat, Hispaniola, and, well, to make a long story short got briefly stranded on a deserted island where we found some treasure and a few power struggles, and–whew!–made it back home. (Oh yeah, and Barbecue was a pirate!)

But those are just two suggestions. In any case, to make a long story short, I am finished with the book. Bring on your next choice. I feel like I’ve set the bar pretty low here, so no pressure on the pick.

Justin

Unrealistic Parrot Expectations

Here’s your parrot:

All at once, there began the most horrid, unearthly screaming, which at first startled me badly, thought I had soon remembered the voice of Captain Flint, and even thought I could make out the bird by her bright plumage as she sat perched upon her master’s wrist.

I think now would be a good time to stop and recalibrate our expectations for what part the parrot will probably play in the proceedings.  You were, perhaps, wishing for a more Iago-ish parrot?  Whispering sarcastic asides into the ears of Jafar in the dulcet tones of Gilbert Gottfried?  Sorry friend I think this bird is only going to be pirate dressing.  I think it may be time to put that particular dream aside.

Now that we’ve got you recentered, I’m curious.  How’s the progress going?  Less than two weeks left until your self-imposed deadline…where exactly are you in the story?

Imprecise Terminology

When I am wrong, I am wrong. I freely admit and seek to correct my errors.

You rightly called me out when I referred to Lucy’s new found interest in M. Paul as a “plot twist.” You’re right, “twist” implies a certain level of subtlety, unexpectedness, or surprise. And while, I admit it did come as something of a surprise to me this could have more to do with my aforementioned half-assed reading of this book than any narrative trickery.

So, on second thought I should have referred to this narrative change of heart as a plot lurch. A sudden, violent shift in direction of the story.

Not be confused with a dramatic Lurch.

Anyway, rumor has it you’ve actually managed to find your way to the end of Charlotte Bronte’s epic tome. That being the case, I guess it is up to me to pick the next book. I was giving some thought to what might be a bit of a change of pace I feel like we’ve already done stream of conciousness (Swann’s Way), we’ve done dystopian (Brave New World, and we’ve even done turtle-like alien life forms (Lathe of Heaven.

But you know what we haven’t done?

Pirates.

This is a wrong that must be righted. So pull out your treasure chest, tricorn hats, and shoulder-jockeying parrots and find yourself a copy of Treasure Island, and I will see you the Jolly Roger. (Matey.)

Arrrgh,
Justin

Things That I Like About This Book

So, apparently, I have been somewhat less than positive in my recent posts. (A little glass half empty, if you will.) In an effort to accentuate the positive, I have been spending much of the last week developing a list of the aspects of this reading experience that I like:

1. Dr. John have you met Graham Bretton: Or Mr. Home have you had the distinct pleasure of making the acquaintance of M. De Bassompierre? Why create multiple characters when you can just give on character multiple names?

2. Now That’s What I Call a Coincidence: You quickly learn that when a character in this book exclaims “Could it possibly be…” The answer is undoubtedly: Yes. Could three separate British families who had a brief shared experience years and years ago possibly all find themselves in the same small French city? Of course! Doesn’t that sort of thing happen every day?

3. It Could Be Worse, I Could Be Lucy Snowe: one thing this book does provide is a healthy dose of perspective. Feel bad about your life? Just read the last few paragraphs of this book. It just the elixir to heal what ails you.

And finally, what I like most about this book is:

4. I Am Done.

How was that for the power of positivity? So, Twinner, let me know when you can say the same thing, and I will get something new picked.

Justin

The Unexpected Pleasures of Half-Assed Reading

Yes, Twin Brother, shock of all shocks: I have been reading this book. This mind numbingly boring, all over the place novel. This oh-my-gosh-what-just-happened-I-think-I-fell-asleep-with-my-eyes-open, leaden-paged tome. (My thinking here, lead is heavy, hence difficult to turn the page = boring. Was that clear?): Villette.

And as you know mom always taught us: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s better not to say anything at all. (Unless it’s funny.)” Well, I have nothing nice to say and this book makes my sense of humor shrivel up to the level of laugh-track ridden episode of Three’s Company. (Who am I kidding, I love Three’s Company, when is Mr. Furley finally going to figure out that Jack is straight and living as an impossibly platonic roommate with those two beautiful Southern California women?!? I hope never.)

Well, that was my feeling until my 65% attention to the book actual lead to a jaw-dropping plot twist that comes to light in Chapter 24 (at least, I think it was Chapter 24–it’s been so long since I actually read the chapter–I am currently on Chapter 31, and so much has happened–just kidding the glacial pace of plot development continues.)

I won’t confirm or deny your previous post’s deduction. Afterall, I would hate to ruin the surprise in store for you in Chapter 24(?)–when you finally get there.

Happy Reading,

Justin

 

 

A Point of Dispute

Wait a second…you like Villette?

I can’t help but wonder, at this point, if we are in fact reading the same book. Remember that time we were book-clubbing Cranford and you were all, like,* “Dude, this book is super-duper boring**, it’s like reading one long list of names and addresses.***” And then it turned out you were actually reading the phonebook.

Well, this time I feel like I am the one reading the phone book. To carry this phone book metaphor a bit further, I seem to be mired in the D’s somewhere between Dorrick and Drebdowski. (I am a master of creating fictionalized names!)

Now one point I am confused about:

Does Lucy love Dr. John? (Does she even like him?) I feel like this is the obvious plot development, but right now these two are the Victorian equivalents of Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini in From Justin to Kelly…

Yes, I saw that movie. I shall give you a moment to judge me.

Ok, finished?

Only Dr. John and Lucy don’t have peppy yet forgettable pop numbers to liven things up between the awkward romantic interludes. (But, lord, sometimes I wish they did.)

Apologies for the extended blog silence a rather hectic travel schedule and, well, a lack of motivation kept me quiet. But, no longer, I am making progress in the book.

Justin

 

*I’ve adopted the parlance of Pretty Little Liars to make this portion of my post a bit more mentally digestible.

**I feel at this point it’s fairly obvious that I have never actually seen Pretty Little Liars.

***You’re welcome.
 

An Explication and an Exclamation

Or an exclamation and then an explication.

First for the exclamation–”HOLY MOLY!!!”  You write to complain about the lackluster beginning to chapter seventeen (which I’ll address shortly).  But you make no mention (no mention!) of the fact that chapter fifteen deals with the crazy and unbelievable plot twist that Dr. John and Graham Bretton (Lucy’s god-brother from the early chapters of the book) are one and the same!

And not only that, but John Graham (as he’s called now) doesn’t recognize Lucy Snowe at all.  AND Lucy Snowe has known for chapters (chapters!) and not let the reader know this important piece of the story.

!!!

I’ll admit that when they made that revelation I was sitting in public, in a Starbucks in Vancouver and an unsavory expletive was uttered in disbelief.

I'll have a tall latte...and a reliable narrator.

So wow.  I did not see that coming.

Now on to just what the hell is going on at the beginning of “La Terrasse”.  I believe that Bronte is using metaphoric language to show the anguish in Lucy’s heart with her unrequited love for Dr. John Graham.  She uses this admittedly high-falutin’ language to make the particulars of Lucy Snowe’s situation, more universal.

Let’s look at the first sentence:

These struggles with the natural character, the strong native bent of the heart, may seem futile and fruitless, but in the end they do good.

Here Lucy is convincing herself that her sorrow (remember she fell asleep in tears in the previous chapter…maybe because the man she loves doesn’t remember that they used to live together….for years) will be good for her in the long run.  These pillow tears will eventually pay dividends baby!

And then there’s stuff about Reason and Feeling and blah, blah, blah.  And then we jump to the last sentence:

To how many maimed and mourning millions is the first and sole angel visitant, him easterns call Azrael.

Here Lucy is showing off her pop culture knowledge by making an obscure reference to The Smurfs

Because Gargamel's cat was named Azrael...coming soon to a theater near you!*

So there you are!  You can read on now, with no more confusion.

See you in the funny papers!

Jon

*Image from Wikipedia entry on Gargamel

 

Another Post Ruined!!!

Your incessant need to contribute to this blog has once again ruined a potentially hilarious blog post!

I was all set to wittily skewer your last post and your amazing capacity to write an entire post (paragraphs!) without actually mentioning the book itself. Instead it’s your zany conjecture about my joining some sort of Amnesiac Lost Book Cult–that is what you were conjecturing, right? (Honestly, I read the post about a week ago, and then put my humor in the ol’ mental slow cooker.)

But now, that calico-beaned to perfection post (this is me continuing my slow cooker metaphor) has been made irrelevant. Which only leaves me with one question:

Why don’t you like my calico beans? (Sorry, when I start thinking slow cookers old wounds rear their ugly head.)

Actually, I am glad to hear you’re making headway in the book. Although, I am sorry to hear it had to come at the cost of your travel companions sanity. I’ve been in the car with you when you’ve spontaneously created a literature-based game. (Who can forget “Dashwood, Bennett, or Woodhouse” in which you read brief snippets of Jane Austen and the victim…I mean particpant…has to identify which Janeite family the crazy shenanigan originated.)

While you have many talents (I don’t hear anyone thoughtlessly rejecting your calico beans.), game invention is not one of them.

Well, I don’t want you to think I’ve completely forgotten the book. Can I just say it’s pretty damn convenient that the one moment where a slightly intriguing plot point (Who is writing these mysterious love letters?) is the exact same moment that Bronte decides to have Madame Beck have a slip up in her otherwise stealth snooping.

I am also at “The Fete.” I wonder what Madame Beck will do the next time something potentially interesting might happen? Perhaps, it will be unexpected indelicate fart? (Maybe she too likes a nice calico bean.)

I guess reading on is the only way we’ll find out.

Justin

Tough Love

Let me just make it abundantly clear that I intended to write a “Mrs. Beck is creepy” post well before. Admittedly, I don’t know when you hatched your plan, but if your past history of fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants blog posting is any indication, it was well, (WELL) before you hatched your plan for your latest post.

Damn you and your posting impetuousness or damn me for my deliberate posting ponderousness?

You make the call!

No, I take that back. I’ll make the call. I have a distinct feeling that I leave the call making up to you it will reflect poorly on me.

Damn you and your posting impetuousness.

Now, I don’t understand your concern about Mrs. Beck lack of checking references. Perhaps you don’t recall that on Lucy’s first night at Vilette, Mrs. Beck rifles through her belongings looking for any incriminating or illuminating materials to the character of Lucy Snowe. I don’t know about you, but that seemed like a pretty thorough “reference check” to me.

I also like Mrs. Beck’s “Tough Love” style of school administration. When the English teacher doesn’t show up to teach her most unruly students, Mrs. Beck decides this is the perfect way for Lucy to test her mettle as a teacher. But don’t worry, Mrs. Beck leaves her with these comforting words:

“‘You will not expect aid from me, or from any one,’ said Madame. ‘That would at once set you down as incompetent for your office.”

As Lucy made her way to the classroom, a montage of classic teacher-against the odds movies streamed through my head: Glenn Ford in The Blackboard Jungle, Sidney Poitier in To Sir, With Love, Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver, and Michele Pfieffer in Dangerous Minds. A young teacher only with the hopes of making a difference being sent to swim with the sharks.

I don’t know whether it was when she tore apart young Blanche’s homework assignment to pieces in front of her eyes to demonstrate her power, or if it was when she locked unruly Delores into a closet for being a distraction in class, but after that I could not get Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” out of my head.

Apparently, Mrs. Beck’s “Tough Love” system has something of a trickle down effect.

Also, did they ever let Delores out of the closet!?!

Justin