Homais, Cub Reporter

I am sorry. I’ve been sitting at my computer for veritable minutes (minutes, I say!) wiping away my tears after being so touched by your tender love story. Not since Oliver Barrett IV found Jenny Cavilleri have I been so effected by a story of love at first site. A word of warning though, twin brother, a bus can be a fickle mistress. Why, my head was once turned by a fast-moving Greyhound…and well…it’s still very hard to talk about.

Okay, back to the life, boredom, love, hate, love again, disdain, even more love, general malaise, more love of Emma Bovary. (I think I am sensing a pattern here.) First of all twin brother, at long last, I do believe I am finally catching up for you. I just read the shudder-inducing demonstration of inept medical practice that was Chuck Bovary’s surgical attempt to “cure” clubfoot. I was all set to start on another (warranted) diatribe on how someone someone needs to please, please, please get Doc Bovary to stop practicing medicine. (Also, a word of advice re: innovative surgical procedures, perhaps it’d be best to focus on the basics before trying to innovate.)

But instead, I decided I would accentuate the positive aspects of my reading, and point out what I feel is a real hidden talent that has come to light in my recent readings. That, my friend, is the heretofore (by the way, I really enjoy the word “heretofore”) unknown journalistic gifts of Homais, the pharmacist.

His anonymous, well-crafted articles on agricultural fairs and surgical procedures, are things of beauty. While they may not win any journalistic awards (they aren’t exactly balanced and unbiased and Homais, himself seems to feature well in all of his stories) they are a hoot.

Someone just needs to teach him the basic tenets of journalistic ethics, buy him a fedora, and put an index card with the word “Press” written on it, and I think we may have the beginnings of a beautiful new career here.

And let’s face it, he could write garbled sentences with poor sentence structure, split infinitives, and dangling participles and he’d still be a better reporter than Chuck Bovary is a doctor.

Sorry, that last bit was not as positive as I would have liked. I really need to work on my positivity accentuating skills.

Justin